sometime later
by walkingthroughwalls
Summary: edward rapes bella,while he's dealing with his concious she makes sure no one can ever hurt her again...Ch.3 is revised!
1. sometime later

I came up with this while I was reading Chapter 3- The End in New Moon. I took this first chapter from almost a direct passage.

Chapter 1- Sometime later

Sometime later, the rain woke me up. I don't think I'd really fallen asleep; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know.

The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.

It was then that I heard the voice calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?

The rain continued, and I could feel the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw the light.

At first it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see- the brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Bella."

The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

"Have you been hurt?"

I knew his word's meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?

"Are you hurt, Bella?"

It took me a minute to think that through. I thought of the other question: _Have you been hurt?_ The difference seemed significant somehow.

"I'm not hurt," I lied.


	2. a monster again

Chapter 2- A monster again

Edward held his knees against his chest, his head buried in them. He had never slept, never felt this sinking plunge of tiredness into nothingness. He could survive without breathing and had still never experienced this awful ripping of his lungs…and heart.

I've been a monster before…

I need to go back. But I **can't**. What I've needed and what I could do often lie on an uncrossable line. I just crossed it. I need- needed her, but I'm the one who broke her. I wish she hadn't touched my hand. I wish I'd stopped after kissing her forehead; gone back. Of all my abilities I wish I could turn back time. Alice deals with time; it presented her with what I did.

I can still remember the way her skin felt. It was hot and covered in tiny mounds of goose bumps. I remember the passion of my needs overpower me. I tilted back her neck and planted a row of cold hard kisses against my temptation. My hand slid between her legs. Their pulse pushed me further; I needed the source of the passion. The dam broke but, instead of a torrent of water, gallons up gallons of lava erupted forth. She cried out; a dying animal sound. I pulled back sharply which caused her more pain I could see on her face. I had reduced something wonderful to anguish.


	3. snow white

Chapter 3- snow white

There are days now that I have never had before. Memories I hold in the palms of my hands that I wish would seep through like cupped water. Feelings I hold inside; inside this chamber that is my heart. I want to rip the thing from my chest, or inject the poison into my veins that I know will stop it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I appreciate the reality and sincerity in Alice's voice, but she knows, maybe better than I, that I am living in a world of darkness, her voice will barely reach me unless she shocks my mind through a pain in my body.

Her skin is the clean, brilliant white of untrodden fresh snow, void of any etching; a clean start.

My skin is the dirty white of an old piece of used paper, stepped on with muddy, thoughtless, passionate boots. I can still feel the bruises; the invisible marks that leave me forever seeing greenish- purple in their individual place.

"Do it." I grunt with such force that a gust of frustrated and exhausted air escapes my mouth with it. She nods curtly, the humanity already slightly drained from her eyes. I bend my neck and she brushes my hair aside gently. I feel her curved mouth gaining proximity. She hesitates, probably pacing herself, most definitely testing me.

Then it comes. Again my barrier is pierced; I feel the flooding of pain, the rushing of blood. There is that one terrifying moment when I'm afraid she won't let go. And she doesn't in one way. She doesn't loosten her arms around me: doesn't let me fall. She doesn't realize that this is what I want; to fall into oblivious body shattering pain. It's far better than the shattering of the mind.

**Hair dark as coal**

**Skin as white as snow**

**Lips as red as blood **

**She rinsed her soul **

**Of that infectious seed**

**And came back**

**To Life**


End file.
